the grape conspriacy
by Charliebunny07
Summary: mulder, grapes, a conspiracy is created


THE X-FILES

THE GRAPE CONSPIRACY

mulder and scully are obviously not mine, lucky man that chris carter is, but the fruits are.

Written by Charliebunny07

Mulder and Scully walked back to Scully's apartment. Mulder was helping her shop for her weekly groceries. They would usually drive, but Scully had talked Mulder into walking. It was healthier, and the store was only a block and a half from her.

They made it into her neighborhood. They both were carrying two bags each that were very full and heavy.

"Next time, Scully, we drive, I don't care how close it is," Mulder huffed, sweaty and tired.

"God, Mulder you are so out of shape, what happened to all that F.B.I. training," Scully teased, looking unruffled.

Mulder grumbled incoherently.

They reached her block and stared at her building ominously. Scully's apartment was right in the middle of the block and they were across the street from it.

"I forgot, we should have crossed back at the corner," Scully said lightly.

Mulder glared at her, "Scully, it is an equal distance from here to the next corner, as it is to go back, your apartment is directly in the middle, I do not want to go back," he complained, shifting the bags in his hands to set them down so that they could decide on the course of action to take.

Scully looked up and down the street. She knew that Mulder was right. She hated when that happened.

"So what are you suggesting, that we J-walk?" she questioned.

He smiled at her, "Brilliant suggestion," he said picking up the bags.

She looked at him incredulously, "You're kidding right, come on Mulder, we are law enforcement, we can't, what if a cop drives by."

He walked in between two cars and looked up and down the street. Not to many cars out.

"Come on, Scully, we are right in front of your apartment, and I refuse to cross at some stupid cross walk, just because

you're afraid of breaking a ridiculous law," Mulder said looking at her now, "And I highly doubt that a cop car will pass, and if they do, well just tell them that we were chasing a suspect,"

"Right, with my groceries," she said sardonically, then sighed, "Mulder, those laws are for a reason,"

"Well, I'm tired and we are carrying a lot, I didn't think you were buying this much, this is the last time I shop with you," Mulder said.

"Well, believe me, this is the last time I ask you to," she shot back irritated, "Or maybe I should just make you come again as punishment,"

"Whatever, let's just get quickly across to your apartment, I will not argue about this all day," Mulder said turning back to the street.

She looked torn. She knew that it was a mistake, but she followed Mulder anyway.

Mulder waited for a couple of cars to pass, and then he ran calling for Scully to hurry up. She ran after him, but with all the jostling of the bags from her running, a bag broke spilling her groceries on the ground.

She made it across with Mulder swearing and glaring at him.

"Guess, I forgot about karmic law," he smiled slightly.

She groaned at him, "You are so paying me back for anything I lost." she said and went back to collect was wasn't damaged.

Mulder placed his bags down, and followed her. She collected all the cans and complained about how her vegetables and fruits would be dirty and squashed.

Mulder picked up some carrots, thinking that she was going to wash them anyway. And squashed or not, lettuce was lettuce. He bent and picked up her grapes and watched as a few fell from the group and rolled into the storm drain.

"Well, I guess, I owe, you four grapes," he quipped.

Scully looked at him dryly and after she had collected what she could from her groceries, she crossed back over to her side of the street.

Mulder took off a second bag from one of the groceries he was carrying and placed the escaped groceries into it.

Scully and Mulder finally made it into her apartment. Scully went into the kitchen and put away her cans and things that needed to be refrigerated. Mulder picked up her fruits and vegetables to wash for her.

He finished with the carrots and lettuce, but stopped on the grapes. He looked at them contemplatively.

"Hey, Scully, you know those four grapes I told you that fell off," Mulder started.

She looked at his curiously, "Yeah?"

"Do you think this group will miss them?" he said still looking at the grapes in the sink.

"Oh, god, you're kidding me right Mulder," she said smirking, "I don't think grapes feel,"

"Well, no, but I was thinking," Mulder said.

"Never a good thing when it comes to you," Scully said but decided to humor him, "but what were you thinking,""I don't know, but I was just thinking what if they were _**sent**_ down that storm drain, I mean I know how gravity and rotation of the earth works, but what if the leader of this bunch sent them to…say scout the underground, while the rest went with you." Mulder said.

Scully nearly laughed but she could see that her partner really was invested in this theory, "Okay, so what if it did, why and Mulder these are just grapes,"

"Well, maybe they want to take over the world, so of course they would want to appear as something innocent, something we wouldn't expect to harm us, I mean who would expect a grape to be harmful, and maybe, just maybe they are working for some greater species, that the real leader sends these little 'grunts' to scope out the world and see what the weakest points of us are," Mulder started.

"Mulder, what about this supposed colonization, you're not telling me that you think the world will be taken over by grapes, now" Scully said in disbelief.

"No, no, I still believe in that, but maybe they are in cahoots' with them, just little scouts," Mulder said.

"Mulder, how long have we been in the sun, maybe you should lie down and drink some water," Scully said nearly worried about her partner.

"No, I'm fine, I've just been thinking about this and it makes sense, I mean I don't only think that grapes are in on it either, what about their alternative, you know raisins." Mulder said now getting excited.

"Oh, god, what about the raisins?" Scully said sitting on her couch knowing that she should stop his train of thought.

"Well, most people will eat grapes, but what about the children, I mean parents are always pushing them on their kids, you know schools give them out at snack time, grandparents give them as treats and also at Halloween, people pass them out although I think that is wrong, I mean now grapes can cover most, but when they can't cover children, well then they team up with the raisins and share information with each other and then send it back to their leaders," Mulder said.

"Mulder, the raisins and grapes are not in on anything with each other, they are just fruits," Scully said firmly.

"I know that, Scully, but that's what they want you to believe, but then I was thinking that they were still limited, grapes cover people enough, and then they team up with raisins and keep watch on the children, but then I was thinking that we were still missing a group," Mulder started.

Scully looked at him worriedly, "Mulder, I think you should take some time off, rest, a lot, somewhere tropical, and stay out of the sun"

"Don't you want to know what other group is missing," Mulder asked looking like the air had been let out of his balloon.

Scully sighed, "Fine, Mulder, I know I shouldn't feed into this delusion, but who's been left out?"

"Well, there is also another derivative from raisins, prunes, and who likes them the most? " Mulder said.

Scully looked at her partner, were they really having this conversation, "I'll take a guess and say…the senior citizens,"

"Exactly, and we know that they can only tolerate certain foods, so of course the raisins will know that the seniors are getting left out, because they are always giving raisins to their grandchildren, so the grapes will call the prunes and ask them to join their league, so now the prunes are watching over the seniors," Mulder said, "Now all of the spectrum is being covered," he finished and sat with Scully on her couch.

She looked at him in hilarity and incredulousness, "So, you got all that from a few grapes going into the sewer?"

He nodded, and smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, maybe I should open an X-file on it,"

Scully finally laughed, "And call it what, the Grape Conspiracy, I wonder how you could get Skinner to approve that, but I wouldn't use the argument you just gave me,"

Mulder nodded, he laughed lightly and picked up the grapes and put them in the refrigerator, as he did he noticed another fruit. He turned to look at Scully.

"I forgot, the prunes also have an ally that would want to help," he said.

She looked at him, "Come on Mulder…" she moaned exasperatedly.

"Plums!" he said triumphantly pulling them out from the refrigerator to show her.

She walked over and took the grapes and plums and threw them in the trash, "They are just fruits," she said firmly.

Mulder smiled, "Now you can help them gather information from the city dump,"

She laughed, "God Mulder, remind me to never ask you to go shopping with me again," Scully said.

He smiled proudly, "My mission is complete,"

She shook her head realizing his true motive and laughed, "All that just so that I would never ask you to go shopping with me?"

He smiled brightly, "Worked for a minute didn't it?"

"Good, I thought that I had to institutionalize you or something," Scully said.

"Oh, I still don't think that's out of the question," he said from the couch.


End file.
